Bodily fluids while pregnant: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

That comes from where?

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So, a lot of my posts right now will be aimed towards pregnancy. Why? Because Im pregnant. (I know, shocker.) 

I chose a topic that I believe isn’t talked about nearly enough.

That topic is *buh dum tiss* fluids.

You miss that 3-7 day red Sea for what seems like ages, but what they dont tell you is that you’re essentially swapping one disgusting fluid for another. You go from sticking a plug in there somewhere to keep from sailing the red seas – to letting it all … Well… Hang out. 

Discharge being the first one that usually makes it’s appearance. Yes, I know, “ew gross, discharge.” It seems like a dirty word. It is a dirty word, but it also means your body is essentially doing what it’s supposed to. That discharge you are so grossed out by is keeping out infections, and helping your little womb-warrior in the mean time. Congrats!

Mucus plug? Bloody show? No part of this is fun, or entertaining, or even interesting. Some women are never earned about it, go to flush the toilet, and immediately have an anxiety attack because they think something is wrong. This is a misconception. Calm yourself, overly pregnant one. Your mucus plug is a layer of … Well, mucus, that protects your cervix and keeps baby safely in utero for all of those soul-sucking months. It just means when you lose these things that labor is coming. (Pack those bags if you haven’t already!) Don’t be a sissy. This isn’t nearly the grossest thing you’ll encounter.

Amniotic Fluid. This lovely passenger only makes it’s appearance once, and she’s usually over dramatic about it. Sometimes, women do not experience their water breaking on their own. (I am one of those women) BUT, for those of you women who have experienced that water fall, fun filled, wet pants party, my condolences. Contractions usually pick up after those dam gates burst open, and if they don’t… You usually have between 24-38 hours before infection sets in. You’re having your baby! It’s like all that time you just spent suffering was worth something! Yay! Amniotic fluid is usually clear, doesn’t usually have a smell, and is quite obnoxious. It’s also a very clear indication that you in labor. (As if you didn’t already fuckin know.)

As if I couldn’t get anymore disgusting, the last nasty fluid you will experience as your tiny little creature enters the world is probably the worst one: the afterbirth. Oh yes. I am talking about the second small child you have to excrete out of you in the process of labor. The one your living being has been living through for the past nine months. The placenta. This little, or rather large, hunk of junk is quite honestly the nasiest part of labor. How some women turn this shit into pills, or eat it, no fuckin clue. It’s gross. However, from what I personally know, is that it comes out fairly quickly and rather painfully. No one ever tells you about it, so I figure, I should at least take part in ruining your day if I can help it. Some of the left over blood from the placenta is also pushed out of you in the course of your stay at the hospital. When I say I pushed out, I mean, a nurse waltzing in, saying something like “I know it hurts, but we have to make sure all of this fluid comes out”, she has probably never had a child, you probably want to stab her fuckin eyes out, and it hurts. Here’s my heads up to you.

So, there’s the ins and outs of fluids, hopefully this helps you in your journey to becoming prepared for the up and coming months… But, probably not. Good luck.

Author: parenthoodimperfections

21, Mother of 1 crazy active toddler, expecting number two any day now. Shedding light on the things in parenthood that no one ever talks about.

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