What Not To Say: The Dad Addition

Dad’s, don’t worry, I didn’t forget about you.


I know that dad’s get just as much shit as mom’s do.

I know that sometimes, dad’s do not get enough credit, and typically when an outsider sees a dad with their baby without the mom, remarks can range anywhere from, Oh my, how cute is she! To, is she yours? Im sure it even gets worse after that. 

So, I took a little survey from the dad’s I know and love, and here’s what they came up with on things not to say to dad’s out there just trying to be dad’s:

  1. “People assume sometimes that I don’t know certain things about raising my kids because I’m just “the dad”, or they’ll tell me I’m babysitting my kids.” So, this one kind of fucked me up. Partially, because I trust both my daughter’s father, and Brenden, to parent correctly when I am not around. If people are going to assume dads are any less than mom’s, they obviously don’t have children. (Unless the dad has the flu, then it’s game over. He’s done. This was shots being thrown at Brenden, mainly cause he gets sick and thinks he’s dying from ebola.) Dads, like I said, aren’t given enough credit – this is one of those things. Odds are, unless they went to the store to go get cigarettes and never came back, these men have been there for their children since day one, or they have chosen to love a child that isn’t theirs, and either way the story goes: shut the fuck up about dad’s not knowing what they’re doing. They do. I promise. 
  2. “Do you feel weird taking care of another dudes kid?” This one came from Brenden himself, the second co-parent to my daughter, and the only thing I can say is, what the fuck? His response, I thought was just as he goes on to say, “She’s not just another dudes kid, she’s my daughter too; blood or not.” Brenden has stepped up to be Aryanne’s step father, and he does it effortlessly. He loves her more than he loves me, and if a man chooses to love a child they didn’t even create – who the hell are you to pass judgement? Why even ask a question like that? I mean, seriously. When it comes to step parents, especially ones that aren’t treating kids that aren’t theirs like a huge inconvenience, no one should be passing judgement on them. They are opening their heart to love not just their significant other, but a child they didn’t make.
  3. “Everyone thinks they know what is best, like I don’t have her best interest in mind. You should do this, instead of that. Susan, you shouldn’t go tanning but I don’t tell you how to live your life. I’m her dad. I’ll never put her in danger.” This one came from my daughter’s father, and I see this not only with him, but with myself. People try to tell you how to parent, just because you’re young, and like I’ve stated in other articles, that doesn’t mean were any less of her parents. 

    The list of things not to say to dad’s, isn’t nearly as long as the things people have said to Mom’s, but the important part to me honestly, is that when it comes to parenting: unless you made that child, no one should anything. 

    So dads, I commend you. For all the problems you face, for all the times people think you don’t know what you’re doing, for all the late nights you also spend with the tiny love monsters, and for all the things you do that people never seem to realize are important. I swear, they are.

    Author: parenthoodimperfections

    21, Mother of 1 crazy active toddler, expecting number two any day now. Shedding light on the things in parenthood that no one ever talks about.

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