Teaching your children that consequences exist: where do we draw the line? 

Well, here’s the cold truth: no one decides where we draw the line, except the parents themselves.

I can tell you, as a mother to a toddler easing her way into the terrible twos, when it comes to telling her no, or using my stern mom voice, I do not hesitate. 

However, when it comes to the way other people decide to handle the tantrums of their children and teenagers, I know better, I know that decision is up to them.

Some people, weirdly, do not know this though. 

There’s so many opinions from people when it comes to disapline – even people that aren’t parents. 

I can tell you, I was raised in a home where if I knew I fucked up, I knew what was coming. I knew every button I could push, and I knew where my parents stood. I also understood respect. Clarification here is that I wouldn’t have known had my parents not taught me. 

When it comes to whether or not a child or teenager is spanked, or grounded, or what have you, it’s not up to you, Mr Random Bystander, that’s why children have parents. Along with parenting, comes teaching:

Teaching right from wrong.

Teaching them the differences. 

Teaching them respect.
When it comes to the consequences and repercussions of the actions our children have done, that truly comes down to us. Stop telling parents how to handle the behavior – they will do what they see fit.

Stop telling parents that if they spank their child, that they’re abusive. (I know, as a child, the only way I actually learned something, was to be punished.) 

We are in the generation of technology and computers, so when a parent decides to take them away, it isn’t anyone’s place to say don’t you think you’re going too far? Because we arent.

Breastfeeding: Q&A

This will be a more subtle article with a little less vulgarity based around the one thing that people usually have misconceptions about, and that is breastfeeding.

I reached out to the one person that I thought had more knowledge on the basis of the subject than I do, and her name is Angel Simons. I will link her Facebook at the bottom and some other sources and links as well! 

Before I kick off, I’ll start off by saying this: as a mother who could only breast feed for a few short months due to medical complications, I can tell you, the journey is a difficult one. There is alot that goes into it, despite what people say/think. It’s a test of patience, and it tests your strength. But, when it comes down to it, breastfeeding to me solely has more benefits than anything else, and not only is it beneficial for you, as a mother, but it’s also beneficial for your child. Not only that, but the bond that a mother and child grow through this experience is unlike any other, so I encourage all mothers to atleast try it before you knock it down. 

So, I will now introduce Angel, and hopefully give those struggling mothers some hope in the journey of breastfeeding. 

Angel Simons is the 23 year old mother to a very cute 2 year old little man. If any of you have her on Facebook, she quite simply made one of the happiest and cutest boys around. Angel is still breastfeeding to this date. She has also become incredibly experienced in the world of breastfeeding over the course of the last 27 months. So I sat down, and I made a list of things I wanted to know, that I knew may help others…

Me: First of all, I just want to say thank you for allowing me to pick your brain about this! It means a lot!

Angel: Im happy to help!

Me: My first question for you is, in the beginning, what was the hardest part of breastfeeding for you?

Angel: Well, the hardest part for me was getting my son to latch onto my inverted nipple, but, I know not everyone has that problem. That was hell though… He nursed from the same boob for a day and my nipple was bleeding. But, all around the biggest issue was baby and I both learning the proper way to do it. Getting the latch down was the biggest thing. I’m so thankful that the hospital I delivered at had a lactation nurse to help us.

Me: Oh my gosh, that sounds extremely painful. What did you have to do to resolve that?

Angel: The lactation nurse taught me tricks on how to extract my inverted nipple, and after seeing her, I was free of a lot of stress and discomfort.

Me: Are you exclusively breast feeding or do you pump as well?

Angel: I have not pumped since he was an infant.

Me: So, in total, how long have you been breastfeeding for?

Angel: 27 months!

Me: In that time, what are some common misconceptions that you’ve heard from people about it?

Angel: Probably that it’s wrong or weird to breastfeed past infancy. Either that, or the fact it’s shameful to breastfeed in public.

Me: How do you combat those remarks?

Angel: I’ve never had anyone say anything personally about the breastfeeding in public. However, I have gotten negative feedback for nursing my toddler. In those situations I’d educate the person telling them all of the endless benefits, one main one being that my son’s immune system is only 60% developed and that my breast milk is strengthening it immensely!

Me: What are some benefits of breastfeeding that you’ve actively noticed over the last 27 months that you can tell others about?

Angel: My son has always been extremely healthy, weight wise, intellectually he’s always been advanced, and he very, very rarely has gotten sick and when he does it was a very short duration. Another advantage is when he has gotten infections I would put breastmilk on the infected area and it would clear it right up!

Me: What advice can you offer to breastfeeding moms?

Angel: That it can be intimidating in the begining, but after you and baby get the hang of things it will be smooth sailing from there. Around the three month marking point it will come very natural. Stick it out, and stay strong. I would suggest avoid supplementing and pumping in the first six weeks while you are establishing your supply! Never feel pressured by external influences. Listen to your body and always see a lactation consultant if you are having issues. There are many cures to common issues women have, don’t give up!

Something else was mentioned during this interview that Angel had said that had me literally in awe:

“I have decided not to put pressure on my son to wean because of society’s standards of what’s “normal.” Him and I are both fond of the bond we have together with him nursing. I never expected to have such a strong attachment to breastfeeding him, so I also am in no hurry. I did want to wean him when he turned two, but I couldn’t stand the heartbreak he experienced. I don’t see the point in making him scream and cry just to put an end to it for other people. I don’t want to stop it and neither does he.”

Angel is a perfect example of the strong-willed, breastfeeding mother I could always hope to be!

I only covered the bare minimum in my Q&A with Angel, so I also dug around and did some reading with my good friend Google!

Here are some links to articles I thought would be mildly helpful if you’re a new mom just starting out in the world of all things boobie-milk:

    Angel Simons FB: http://www.facebook.com/angel.simons.756

    Footnote:

    My personal advice to mothers just starting out is to not give up. Sometimes, it’s hard, and sometimes you truly do feel like giving up, but, I can promise that once the true latch and comfortable positions are found, breast feeding is a truly beautiful thing. My biggest support in the journey aside from my lactation expert was reaching out to other moms that we’re struggling with the same things. Having that shoulder to lean on, especially in the beginning, it is important. Fear not, no mother will turn you away if you need advice!

    Good luck in the journey and may the odds be in your favor! 

    Disregarded Parental Wishes, when does it end?

    I said no, and there is a damn reason for it.

    Now, this article comes from the heart of many parents who are really just over other people disregarding our wishes. 

    Parents like myself.

    If you’re reading this, it’s also parents like you too, because it happens to all of us.

    The people that do this, it extends from family, to friends, even random strangers.

    And we hate you for it.

    My daughter is entering her terrible twos. She is sassy, she’s got an attitude like her mama, and she’s got those puppy dog eyes for miles. She’s a Gerber baby beyond reasonable doubt, and for some reason, that means that people will give her things, and do things for her, that I wouldnt. 

    Let start this off gently by saying, please stop.

    She’s in a phase right now where she either wants to walk literally everywhere, or be carried. There is no in between. She’s also at a phase where she wants everything you’re eating. 

    You can see where I’m headed with this? 

    My daughter is highly developed in the teeth to gum ratio, she’s got a full set of very sharp chompers, and I don’t know if any of you disregarders know this, but toddlers can get cavities, and that’s something I’d like to avoid. (She still has two or three teeth to bust through as it stands.)

    When I specifically ask that you not hand my 19 month old daughter candy, I know you’re probably not going to listen, but for the love of Christ: if I’m actively telling you no, actively fucking listen. I don’t deprive my sweet toothed princess of much, but candy is usually one of the things I do. Sometimes, I will give her suckers, or jelly beans, but for the most part, that’s my choice, not yours, and she can satisfy her hankering for sweets with an animal cracker or twelve, or she can eat fruit, because it’s good for her. 

    I don’t say no to you because I am an evil she-bitch. I am saying no because the one person who looks out in her best interests is me. Also, because handing my toddler copious amounts of sugar, usually means she’s going to be up all night, and at some point around 12 or 1am, I’m thinking about creative ways to hide your body. 

    It’s not just food, either. 

    I don’t really like to subject my child to a few things, one of those things being danger. (Woah, shocker, huh?) You see it as doing something fun, I see it as me having to tear you a new asshole because my child hurt herself, etc. My definition for fun, and yours, are probably a lot different. Especially because that’s my lil womb warrior. She will be my side from the womb, to the tomb. Taking risks with her, even small ones, it’s just… Not okay. Don’t do it. (Unless you want to find your body in a blender somewhere.)

    If I am saying no, or asking you as a random outsider to please not do something, I hope that you understand why. 

    My little girl does hear the word no, and when you blantantly disregard me, you’re showing that tiny human sponge that it’s okay to not listen to mom or dad. (And that’s grounds for me to throw hands.)

    She might be cute, she might give you those eyes, she might say “peas?” Over and over and over again, but if I, as her mother, can say no to the world’s tiniest, cutest human, so can you. 

    Usually, parents don’t really enjoy telling our children no. It’s difficult, and it rips us to shreds, but in order to establish rules, in order to establish respect, we have to start when they’re small. (I think a wise man once said, “You can’t build Rome over night.”)

    Granted, I don’t expect my almost two year old to even understand respect yet, but manners are important too, so are general listening skills, and if you, random outsider, cannot listen when I tell you no, you’re setting the example. 

    So, with that being said, fucking stop it.

    Who created the idea that your life is over after children?

    Yes, Becky, I can absolutely go out, and you can absolutely buy me shots of tequila.

    This one really gets me. Partially, because I caught the pregnant young, and partially because even now, on baby #2, I still hear backlash.

    For some reason, people assume because you reproduced that you are incapable of loving life after that. Wrong.

    In fact, if you ask me, I think I loved my life exponentially more the second I heard my daughter’s first cries. People say things that are rather insensitive, people assume that you can’t have a night away, you lose friends because even they assume you are locked inside the house for the rest of your life.

    Granted, I don’t particularly like going anywhere without my tiny partner in crime, mainly because she can pretty much pull me out of any unnecessary awkward scenario. Also, because, well, she’s fucking cool. She may not be able to string together full sentences, or respond to whatever you’re saying in the correct context, but no one makes me laugh harder than my daughter does. However, I still get to go out if I choose. I am grateful for Brenden on this spectrum because he knows a social life outside of work and motherhood is just as important. Honestly, I don’t really care to go out, it’s not my thing, but sometimes, I like to see my friends outside of my home. I am an avid movie goer, so sometimes I like to go to the movies as well. I also enjoy nature. I am a human being outside of my child, but she by no means ruined my life. (My social life maybe because my old friends sucked, but whatever, that’s not really a loss to me.)

    I also commonly get weird looks when I tell people that I finally plan to go to college after Keegan is born. Why people assume I’m not capable is beyond me. (But you go to work, and have two kids… Aren’t you burning the candle at both ends?) I guess I would be, if I was weak. But, I’ve been graced with a DNA makeup of a strong work ethic, perserverance, and a strong attachment to obtain my long term goals. Children don’t stop those things, they are etched into you for your entire life. I want to give them the best life possible, and if that means that I am pushing myself past my limits, by God, I will. 

    Just because I had children, doesn’t mean that I am less of a human being. It doesn’t mean I have to hate myself. It doesn’t mean I’m ruined. 

    Because of my children, I have learned to actually love myself in a completely different sense. My children molded me into the person I was meant to be this entire time, and if you ask me – I think that’s pretty fuckin wicked.

    My children push me, day in and day out, because they depend on me to be better for them. They depend on me to survive. They are tiny succubus until the day they turn 18, sometimes even after, and they need me. (But truthfully, I think I need them more than they need me sometimes.)

    To whoever created the stigma that your life is over after kids: you, my good sir, are a fucking moron. Children not only brighten your entire being, but their entire existence shakes you to the core so hard that you essentially create an entirely new life after them. 

    This isn’t a shot at anyone who doesn’t want kids, this is a shot at the people who harp on parents for reproducing. This is aimed and directed at the people that assume you’re incompetent just because you had children. The people who think you have to drop everything in your life to be a parent. (You do drop some things, but most of the time, the dropping of things is actually pretty minimal.) This is for the people who have the idea in their brain that children are solely a mess in your lives, and for the people who believe children ruin shit. 

    Spoiler alert: they don’t.

    Seriously, look at this spaghetti monster and tell me how children ruin anything!? (Except maybe your carpet.)

    Parenting your children: the outsiders. 

    For all those random bystanders that always have to open your mouth, this one’s for you.

    This post is directed at those babysitters, family members, and even those complete randoms that try to parent your child/offer you half-cocked advice. 

    It’s gonna be an offensive one, I’m sure, so buckle up.

    So, I pondered this topic for quite sometime. There are various things that people say to you as a parent, and you just can’t find it in you to do anything but glare at them and think, what the fuck did you just say to me?

    It happens. If you’re a parent, you know it does.

    Sometimes, as a parent, you wish you could respond to these off the wall, fucked up remarks the way your mind responds to it, but unfortunately, some of us try to remain calm and answer as nicely as possible.

    This post is not one of those things.

    And if you happen to be one of those people, well, I’m not sorry.

    So, here are some things that mothers alike have agreed need to fuckin… stop.

    1. We do not want your opinions on co-sleeping. Some people are for it, some people against it, whatever side you take, we don’t care. It’s our child, and we like to think we know them best. Co-sleeping in my opinion is great for both your child, and yourself. I know that personally, I sleep better with my small human snuggled between myself and the man’s. (I’m eight months pregnant, and im not bothered by waking up to feet in my face.) My daughter knows where her bed is, she takes her naps there, sometimes, she even sleeps there over night, but usually, my fiance and I lay in bed at night, and sometime around 12am, we’re asking the other if we can go steal her from her tiny princess castle of wonder. We sleep better sardine packed into bed. That’s just how it goes. As a baby, she slept on my chest. I didn’t sleep. Yes, you do hit a point with a new born where you haven’t slept in God knows how long, and at that point, I obviously don’t suggest trying to co-sleep. However, most women have this weird thing in their brain called a maternal instinct, where we usually wake up every five seconds anyhow to make sure our kid hasn’t rolled themselves away from us. Stop threatening us with SIDS, we know it exists. Stop telling us that we’re going to end up with a ten year old in our bed – that’s our baby, if you’re anything like me, you don’t really care anyhow. One of the most absurd things I’ve heard about co-sleeping is someone saying, “but when do you have sex or alone time?” The answer is simple: I had a child. I made a child, MORE THAN ONE ACTUALLY, and I’ll spare you the details of how babies are made, but I’ll tell you this – I’m young, and I’d like to think I’ve had my runs around the ball park a few times. If I want to have sex, (ladies and gentlemen, mostly my mother and father, please cover your eyes…) I will find a way to do so. Whether my love-making has to happen on my living room floor because my princess is cozy in our bed – my God it will happen. Why do you feel obligated to ask me about my intimate private life anyhow? Nosy ass.
    2. Comfort items and your opinions on them: shut up. If our child has a blanket, a pacifier, literally anything that they viably find comfort in, we recognize it. Stripping a child away from something they seek comfort in too soon has been scientifically proven to effect the things they find comfort in later in life. We don’t want to hear what age you took your kids pacifer away at. We don’t want to hear the damaging effects of a pacifier. We don’t want to hear your opinion on our child’s raggedy baby blanket, or the smell of it. (Have you tried to remove a blanket from the clutches of a sleeping toddler? It’s fucking hard.) Like most things in life, even as a child, if you have attachments to something, usually, you make the personal decision to cut it out of your routine. Children will kick it when they’re good and ready. I haven’t seen a 6 or 7 year old with a Bink in their mouth lately, have you? Most kids kick them well before 5 even, so don’t insert your advice or opinions down our throats. 
    3. The great ol’ car seat debates! (Aka the most annoying fucking thing mothers bitch about.) I am going to use my nephew as an example for this, partially because he was front faced before my daughter was (he’s two months younger than her) and partially because he was one of those kids that just needed to be front faced. (Mom’s, you know exactly what I’m talking about.) He hated car rides. I am also pretty sure he still hates them. However, he hates them less that he is front facing. Like previously mentioned, some children take viable comfort in things, and one of those things could just happen to be their mother. My nephew spent a majority of his beginning life stages with my sister-in-law all day long, so his comfort is his mommy, and that’s perfectly okay. Imagine being an adult, and having to sit in back seat facing the rear. Kids aren’t exactly adults, but some kids just don’t agree, and they do have functional brains, and they do understand things. And usually, they let you know when they’re ready to be reversed. Just Ike my nephew did. My daughter is naturally tall, (she has her father to thank for that.) So I decided to switch it to front facing when I realized she was now uncomfortable, and her legs were squished up. Her dad, surprisingly, was the first and only one to mention it to me that children can stay rear facing forever, and my response was, “if I’m rear ended, and our kids legs break, you can nurse her back to health.” He never said anything after that. With this being said, the front facing rear facing debate will never end, but as a parent, we really wish you could stop pointing it out. We aren’t dumb. While on topics of carseats, I also want to take about the seat belt placement argument mothers always have. Thankfully, I was disposed to a plethora of resources and village of people willing to explain and demonstrate all of the ins and outs of carseats to me. Some people, just aren’t that lucky – and despite what you think: some people just may not know where the chest clip goes. It happens. But, instead of being a bitch about it, take the time to explain to squandered young parent the importance in placement of the chest clip. (He/She may not actually know, and you could be helping him/her, wow, how nice. Go you.)
    4. AntiVaxers: this ones for you. First of all, fuck you. Number one, as young mothers, with babies that have susceptible immune systems, we hate you. We hate you because contrary to what you believe, vaccinations don’t cause autism or literally anything else except the prevention of deadly diseases. You know what not vaccinating your child does do though? (Besides endangering the welfare of other babies?) INCREASES THE RISK YOUR CHILD MIGHT DIE FROM POLIO. Stop researching false articles on the internet that have you readily convinced that vaccinating your child is bad. It’s not bad. What’s bad is burying your kid because they caught measles, and it wasnt caught by medical professionals fast enough. Don’t be ignorant, and if you choose to be ignorant about it, keep your opinions, and your infectious children away from me and mine. Thanks.
    5. Dressing our child, bed time for our child, what we feed our child, when we feed them, etc, etc … First of all, we don’t care what you did in 1990, when you had children. We don’t care what time you laid them down for bed, or what schedule they were on, or what they ate, or how you fed them. Like most things in life, not every one person is the same – including children. (Especially children) Some tiny creatures are blessed with unfortunate problems early on, like reflux, or constipation, and some kids just have bad gas, or worse: colic. It happens. If you’ve been exposed to multiple children, you know that some kids are different than others. My daughter, for example, is a blessing, because she was never colic, never gassy, and even now as toddler, is not a picky eater. However, using him as a reference again, my nephew was not nearly as simple, and I’m not really sure how my brother and sister-in-law made it through that phase of infancy where my nephew always cried, etc. He had to have a special formula, which is the case for a lot of babies, but his was a special kind of special, and every time I seen him, he was always a grump, and I just…. I give props to my brother and sister-in-law because I don’t think I could handle that shit if I wanted to. As parents, we have a hard enough time with feedings in the beginning, whether our babies are exclusively breast fed, or we have a colicky, gassy, formula fed baby. We don’t want to hear what age you gave your child rice cereal, or when you started feeding them solids, because despite what even a pediatric specialist tells you, some kids develope faster in the eating area than others, and some don’t. We don’t want to hear what we are feeding our children isn’t what you fed yours. Sometimes, it’s a miracle to get our children to eat literally anything. It’s also a miracle to get some children dressed. Because some kids like to let their freak flag fly and run around naked. My child, has a personal issue with her socks and shoes, and she hates them. As an outsider, I can hear you thinking “well she’s the child, you’re the parent.” But when it comes to raising children, you have to pick your battles. It’s not raining, it’s not snowing, she isn’t walking around, guess what? She isn’t wearing socks or shoes. Most of the time, they end up in her mouth anyhow. (Just like literally everything else.)
    6. Child baring women: this one’s for you. Stop asking us how many babies we have in our womb. Stop saying shit like, “twins?” No, you asshole, there is only one. We’ve had about three ultrasounds thus far, and it’s confirmed, there’s only one. Better questions, easier ones, are things like “Do you know what you’re having yet?” This is probably the only thing people can say that doesn’t make me want to stab their eyes out. Also try things that don’t make you seem like you’re calling a woman fat.
    7. Child baring women: this one is for you, part two: stop telling pregnant women how to live their lives. We know we aren’t going to sleep ever again, we know we are getting big, we know that being a parent is going to change our life. Mind my manners when I say this, but if we didn’t know it was going to completely change our lives, bodies, and sleeping habits, we would’ve aborted mission. (Sorry pro-lifers. Sensitive sentence.) Stop acting like pregnant women are incompetent. Yes, we are pregnant, but we are not helpless. We can lift things, we can do things, we can not do things – whatever the case, unless you see us every month for our OBGYN checkup, stop acting like we need you to lift our groceries, or carry our mail. We aren’t weak. We’re just pregnant, and it’s not a life sentence – please, stop treating us like it is.
    8. Your opinions on our parenting styles: this one is a personal favorite of mine. I am not with my daughter’s father, we co-parent. For some reason, people don’t really understand that couples sometimes just dont work out. This leads to those weird questions and remarks like, “does she understand why you guys aren’t together?” First of all, why the fuck does it matter? Her parents love her. It’s need to know. Just like any other person, my child is sparred the details. She has two parents that love her, and two step parents that have stepped up and also love her. She is loved. That’s all that matters. Second of all, she’s barely 2. She couldn’t understand the logistics of a breakup if she tried her damned hardest. All she needs to know is that at some point, her parents loved each other enough to MAKE HER. (And she knows, I promise.)
    9. Stop harassing mothers that breast feed in public, or not in public, or anywhere in general. Breast feeding, from all that I experienced, its fucking hard. Latching, tired nipples, tired bodies, the list of complicated things that go into it is never ending. We don’t need someone telling us to cover ourselves, or someone asking what’s going to happen when they grow teeth. Breast fed babies are little precious angels, stop turning it into a sin. It’s healthy for them, and us, so just… Do us a favor, shut the hell up about it.
    10. How we handle our unruly little children… This is one of those things that really blows my mind. How anyone can comfortably tell another parent how to counteract bad behavior is beyond me, but for the love of Christ, stop doing it. If our kid is crying in public, sure, you’re annoyed, but I promise, the person annoyed the most here is me. I’ve had to leave restaurants, and grcoeries stores, and all places in between because my child is acting a fool. When they lash out, when they tantrum, it usually spikes my already anxious mind through the damn roof. I didn’t ask for your opinions, or your advice on how to handle it. This goes for older kids and children alike. We don’t care how you chose to handle behavior when your kids were young, because my kid is a whole different poison from yours, almost every kid is different actually. They learn responsibility, and consequences, and all things in between at their own pace, and sometimes it means that they had to be popped in the mouth for talking back, and sometimes it means they need time out. Whatever the case may be, how I chose to correct the behavior is my discretion. Not yours. So, shut it Susan. I don’t wanna hear it.

      So, parents, I urge you, feel free to let your niceness disapate when it comes to the people who always have something to say. Or, if you wanna continue to be nice, just send them the link to this article. You’re welcome.

      Blended Families: Whether we are one, see one, or know one: they exist. (Part one)

      Is it really that hard to accept? We are in the 21st century after all…

      So, here goes: one of my longer posts, and something I feel extremely passionate about because, well,

      1. I came from a blended family, and
      2. I am a blended family.

      Let me first start off by saying, I tried my hardest to make things work with my daughter’s father. Sometimes, shit just doesn’t work. Whether your co-parent still has growing up to do, or in my case: your co-parent spent copious amounts of time while you were pregnant getting to know everyone else. Granted, I will never steer my daughter away from her father – as their relationship is important to me, but, she has two dad’s, and she knows it. I don’t discredit her father from being a father regardless of whatever bullshit him and I put each other through. We are both happy now, living separate lives, and we survive.

      Secondly, if your parents stayed together forever, and you know nothing about what it’s like to live in a broken home: let me give you a hint on what not to say to a mother who is just trying to do what’s best for not only herself, but her child too. Mom’s and dad’s alike, you know that if you aren’t happy – your child may not even string together sentences, but they know you aren’t happy. They know when you aren’t feeling well, when you’re sad, and even appropriate times to laugh, so why wouldnt they pick up on the fact you are unhappy in your relationship? (Hint: they fuckin do.) 

      Things to not say to a mother/father who is with someone other than the person they originally selected to reproduce with:

      1. Anything that pertains to their last names: it goes without saying that what name I chose to give my child, it does not fucking concern you. That’s all I’ll say about that.
      2. If you are me, you’ve chosen to mate with super humans, that have super human sperm, and your children have different father’s, because the first father couldn’t keep his peepee in the rabbit hole, and now you’re two under two, and you’ve got what people like to call, “multiple baby daddies”, not even sure what this means, because both prospect father’s in my children’s lives are father’s, not dead beats. However, like I stated above, shit happens. You aren’t obligated to stay with one person the rest of your life if you don’t want to. There is no right or wrong time to decide to have another child. So, if you aren’t me, please don’t badger me with the “your children are growing up with different dad’s”, bullshit. How disrespectful. I don’t point out your imperfections, and I’m sure you are awfully aware of them. I am a good mother, and I mind to myself, and my own. With that being said, keep your comments about how many children someone has or doesn’t have to yourself. (Wow, what a concept!) 
      3. I know this one is going to be a shocker to some of you: but some people just can’t have children. Whether it’s defective uteruses, defect sperm, or just defective dicks and vagina in general, some people can’t do it. (And this is for you too, my IVF warriors and my same sex married couples!) If someone is adopting a child, or fostering a child, they are choosing to love a child they didn’t slave nine months over. They are choosing to make the ultimate sacrifices, for the well being of another human! (Wow, yes, there are kind people. They do exist.) I applaud you and I give you praise, because bad habits in children can and have been known to start early. So, if you see a mother or father in public with a rowdy kid that doesn’t fit the picture: keep your mouth shut. It’s probably none of your business! And for those people who are happily married and can’t have children, stop asking them when they plan to! I’m sure it’s just as annoying to hear “when are you having kids?” As it is for me to hear, “I hope you’re not having anymore.” So, when it comes to reproducing and the frequency in which people do it: the answer is more than likely none of your business
      4. Some dad’s, and even mothers, they don’t stick around – it’s not anyone’s place to ask where the other co-parent is, and why they may or may not be present. Some people just fuckin’ suck, and truthfully, that’s their loss. If you’re lucky, like me, you’ve found a better human to spend your time with, and hopefully they love your children in the same respects you love your children. (Bonus points if the original parent is still apart of the child’s life like my daughter’s father is for her.) If anyone is hip enough to walk out on an innocent baby, they probably don’t deserve to be around that perfect human being anyhow, because that’s all children are: perfect little humans. (Or tiny Hitler’s if they hadn’t had a nap today.)
      5. If your child is as great as you think they are, odds are, everyone is going to love them anyhow, which makes blended families a topic no one should be judgemental towards. Everyone wins. (Unless of course, you are one of those horror stories of the step parent shoving a baby into a garbage can or something.)
      6. As children get older, having these extra family extendees is helpful. Having someone to talk to that won’t baby you, or act like you just murdered 72 people, or even for the little girls or boys hitting puberty. Sometimes, parents are great sources for advice, and sometimes, they aren’t. (Woah, shocker.) I don’t expect my daughter or son to wanna talk to me about everything, Lord knows I’m willing to listen, but sometimes that kind of shit is embarrassing for them, and even for you, and that’s okay. 


      Don’t ask people if their babies are adopted, unless they flaunt it around like a gold metal. Don’t assume people can have children, or that people want them. Don’t ask where the other parent is, ever. Don’t try to act like you know someone’s situation either, because odds are, you don’t. And lastly, don’t assume a child needs your help either. Sometimes, not talking about something, is the best way to not talk about something.


      Raising the next world leader, while working full time: Is it possible?

      Working hard, or hardly working?

      The answer is: yes.

      Is it fucking exhausting? Also yes. 

      There are zero things in life comparable to being 8 months pregnant, with a toddler, while working full time.

      Actually, there are zero things in life comparable to working and raising a toddler. Pregnancy doesn’t really change that, just makes you more tired and 100x more likely to tell someone to shut the fuck up.

      Often, parents work between 40-60 hours a week to provide for their children. These numbers only increase if you are doing it alone, or have more than one child. Let me just say that I would never accept a position as a stay at home mother, because well, I appreciate my sanity, and my ability to see other people besides my tiny burrito. (No offense to her, but it’s really nice to hear something else in the English language besides “Hi, bye,” or “mum.”) 

      Sometimes, working this many hours in a week is a little unrealistic for some people. If you’re one of those people making it through with a part time work week, all I have to say is: fuck you

      To those parents working like slave drivers: I commend you. I’m out here doing the same thing. (Well, I was, until I was put on bed rest.)

      To those people asking if we ever see our children: we do. And it makes us cherish all of those repetitive phrases, smelly shits, and those nights when our kids just don’t want to sleep.

      We work hard so or children never have to understand what it’s like to go without. We work hard so we can put food in their growing stomachs, a roof over their head, and be able to give them whatever fucking trendy toy hit the shelves at Walmart this week.

      The bottom line is this

      We arent perfect parents, but we sure try to be. The last thing I want my daughter to think is that I failed her – though, it does happen, she gets rather pissed if I don’t give her another cookie after she’s eaten 6. (In her eyes, I’m the worst mother alive.)

      No one gives those people who work their faces off to support themselves and their child nearly enough credit – being that I’m one of these people, I just want to say: we are trying.

      It’s incredibly difficult after working a 10, or 11 hour day, to come home and still have to function, because well, you’re a parent and you have no other choice. It’s hard to work day in and out and not want to plan your funeral on your days off. There are parks to visit, animals to pet, shopping to do – get it together, mom.

      Sometimes, I can almost feel the judgmental faces from people when they ask what’s on my agenda for my day off with tiny human creature, and all I can say is, “weve decided its a lazypajamaday“, not everyone is the fucking hulk, especially not me. So, don’t be pissed I plan to spend my day snuggling with my little girl, rewatching The Mother Goose Club Playhouse for the 89th time.

      Go somewhere else to brag about how you did 7 loads of laundry, cleaned your entire house, and cooked dinner, Sally, us mothers who worked and died all week: we prefer it this way.